Friday, December 08, 2006

Jumping jacks throw French women for a loop

Now I have firsthand experience of this strange phenomenon I heard of through an expat friend. The jumping jack-stumper. Once in a blue moon, one of the gym teachers will toss in a few jumping jacks into the mix during an exercise class, throwing off 85% of the French women completely. They stand there dumbfounded rolling their eyes and putting their hands on their hips with the expression of "do you expect us to do that?"

Okay, jumping jacks may come second nature to the rest of us, but only because we grew up doing it in school. I have memories of everyone standing next to their desks doing jumping jacks, cherry-picking (stretching upward right?), and touching our toes. If our teachers were smart, we didn't perform this pleasant ritual right after lunch.

Anyways, if you can imagine yourself as a space alien, watching someone do jumping jacks, you'd think, what kind of drug are these people on? In fact, maybe you'd be intimidated by people waving their arms AND legs up and down at a clip and feel threatened enough to take out your XWQBK%$# Phaser Gun Model 200XT.

I think if the gym instructors just took the time to teach a proper jumping jack we wouldn't have a room full of people feeling like idiots. In slow motion, ladies. WHILE JUMPING, bring arms over your head as legs come into a wide stance. Afterwards, WHILE JUMPING, bring arms to sides and legs together simultaneously. No, it's not that hard, as long as you remember to jump -- but when do adults ever jump these days? Something that comes so naturally to children, may be almost impossible to fathom for adults. So here's a note to French public education officials: start injecting jumping jacks into the daily school routine or you're going to fall behind the rest of the world!

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