Monday, May 15, 2006

And life goes on...

I just finished playing some piano -- got so much joy out of the Allegro movement from Bach's Toccata in D Minor (BMV 913). My digital piano is nothing compared to the baby grand I left behind in the States, but I can make it sound like a huge pipe organ -- perfect for my latest favorite piece. And it's lunchtime, so I'm probably not bothering any neighbors. I didn't feel guilty one bit by pushing the volume to nearly its max.

I have also gone back to my jewelry-making after a three and a half month respite. Somehow, I had lost the motivation to create anything other than my baby. Now, I feel the need to make things again. I did two bracelets with the best beads that I made out of polymer clay in January.

I'm trying to make as much happiness for myself as I can. Just having John and Maylin around makes me feel better, too.

John's had to step out of his comfort zone a bit by making dinners for us. He made rice and sausages one night, and had it easy two other nights with Indian take-out and frozen pizza.

He and Maylin have had more time together and I can see their relationship really blossoming. They do a lot of physical activities together (I usually provide the intellectual and artistic), such as tickling, "flying," etc. Maylin's demonstrated some amazing football talent in her tackling of her father and her perfectly thrown spirals (John reports the distance as being five to ten feet!). She is just awesome with balls. Her kicking is strong and well-targeted. She also catches very well, partly due to consistent coaching.

Even though I've offered explanations to what happened to the baby, Maylin seems to be either in denial or just doesn't get it. Since she's never actually seen the baby (besides on the ultrasound), I think it's hard for her to believe that it was real. By the way, she no longer thinks she has a baby in her own belly. She has also specified a strong preference for a baby sister. Another reason to try again.

Maylin's demonstrated more sensitivity than previously thought. She will immediately throw herself into a bout of crying if I get mad at her, which isn't very often since she's a really good girl. I might yell at her if I'm in a bad mood (usually a combination of tired and hungry). I hate when I do it and apologize right after with a hug.

She's never bad, but can be stubborn. You can never force her to do something she doesn't want to do. I am forced to think of creative solutions or bargaining strategies. The only thing I never succeed at now is getting her to take medicine. She's had high fevers which make me feel helpless because the fever reducer gets pushed away, spit out, etc. She's so strong I can't muscle the medicine into her mouth and make her swallow it. Fortunately, she always recovers from her illnesses quickly on her own. I always think the lukewarm baths are helpful for the fevers, but who knows. It's mostly her strong immune system. In France, every child has a "carnet de sante" -- a little book recording doctor's visits, immunizations, illnesses, etc. One doctor was shocked to see that her book didn't have a laundry list of childhood maladies. Maylin's a healthy kid -- she gets her occasional cold, but it's never been serious. One time, I did have to call the S.O.S. doctor in the middle of the night because her coughing was sounding really bad. He came to our home and diagnosed it as laryngitis -- the one item in Maylin's carnet de sante.

Maylin has a very good taste. The last two weekends, John and Maylin brought me flowers. Maylin has chosen them each time -- red roses once, and pink Gerber daisies the next. I love roses, but I adore those daisies! Her daddy wanted to get ten daisies, but she insisted again and again on just five. She was right. I prefer a few flowers than a big bunch because then I can actually see them better and appreciate them more.

She's so visual. Her latest favorite activity is doing mazes. I used to draw them for her, but she's really insatiable! I've resorted to finding websites where I can print mazes freely. She's done ten in a row, but I'm sure she could do even more!

Maylin's a very appreciative little girl. She thanks me for her toys and books regularly. Even if the book or toy is old, she'll ask, "What store is this from? Is this a present for me? Oh, thanks!" Then I get a hug! It's nice I don't have to buy things for her very often. Last night, she was very happy to have me make her a necklace of her design -- black leather cord with one homemade green bead hanging in the middle.

Today, I waited in a long line at the post office and picked up some groceries on the way back (heavier than I should be carrying). It feels really good to have a normal life back again without the constant anxiety. What happened in the last few weeks already seems like a distant memory, and I intend for it to be like just a bad dream from now on.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

From what you are telling here, it seems that you, your daughter and your husband are the only persons in your world. Wasn't there anybody in Paris to help and comfort you during this difficult period of time ?