Thursday, January 12, 2006

Happy?

In December, I was so happy living here -- I was active socially, I was organizing events, I was making things...now, I just want to go home. And I am going back to the States soon, but I've got the expat blues. Awhile ago, I said that I get depressed or grumpy if I don't create. Now, I'm thinking that it's possible that I am depressed and that the act of creating is a temporary escape out of that depression. I've read about these Paris blues. It's quite common among expats. I thought it'd never hit me, but it's probably hitting me now. I'm still functioning normally, but not with the excitement and energy I had before. I've got to re-invigorate myself. I'll go to a ballet class this morning, maybe see a photography exhibit at the Hotel de Ville afterwards, and do the finishing touches on some of my jewelry. Tonight, Maylin will be with a sitter while I spend a few hours at someone's farewell party. I haven't socialized in a long time -- I probably need it.

I told John last night that I feel a little claustrophobic now -- I think it comes with the city living. I feel closed in -- I need to see some wide open spaces. This is why many Parisians get a house in the country. It's impossible to stay in a big city like this all the time. We need breathing room.

My singing voice hasn't completely recuperated, and that's a big deal to me since I consider my voice a significant part of my identity -- I am a singer after all. For a soprano, high notes are what make us special -- and I don't have any of mine back yet. Very frustrating. This is definitely contributing to my restlessness, uneasiness. I had this exact same physical problem last year. Quite bizarre, really. It lasted for several months -- just enough to really scare me, but when I finally had the guts to go see a voice specialist, I was cured. Don't you hate it when that happens?

Okay, I'm going to go and have a good day today!

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