Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Why?

I just checked my e-mail and saw a picture of a friend's newborn baby. This is a good friend of mine in the States and this is her second child. I should be feeling very happy for her, but now I just feel sadness and a twinge of jealousy. I guess I don't really have to ask myself why I'm feeling this way. I would have been six months pregnant right now. It hurts to think about it.

This might be a good time to walk Leo in the brisk morning air -- to be alone with all my less than positive thoughts. Lately, I've been worried about my lack of real communication with John. I'm making an effort, but nothing seems to be happening. He's never been the one to talk about his feelings, and now, I find myself totally inept at getting him to open up. I'll have to try harder. Do any of you married people sometimes feel distanced like this from your partner?

I think I need a good cry.

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